


is this still love?

by danhoweiis



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Break Up, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-28 21:24:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15715374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danhoweiis/pseuds/danhoweiis
Summary: sometimes being apart could be a good thing and maybe dan just needed that space away from phil to realise just how much they needed each other in the first place.





	is this still love?

**Author's Note:**

> title from is this still love - danny jones (which u should all listen to btw)

“I don't know what you want me to say? Yes I've felt like this for a while I just...how could I tell you? We’ve been so busy I didn’t want anything to change,”

“But it is going to change. What, were you just hoping you could ignore it and everything would carry on the way it is? That's not how things work Dan.”

The past few months had been...well, they’d been tough. They’d said that the video getting leaked and the fans bombarding them with questions was something they could handle, something they could get through. Together. But maybe it just wasn't enough anymore.

“I feel like, we’re just staying together for the sake of it. To...to prove there was something worth hiding I just…”

Phil could hear the words on the tip of Dan's tongue.  “Go on, just say it...you don't love me anymore.”

Dan dropped his head into his hands, inhaling as he tried to hold back the tears that were going to fall whether he liked it or not.

“I do, just...not in the same way. Not right now, I feel like I’m just pretending.”

“I see.” Phil said, matter-of-factly. “Is this...well, are we breaking up then? Do you want to move out?”

Dan lifted his head quickly, looking at Phil. His bottom lip quivering, “N-no, no no, I want...I want to stay here. God Phil I don't want you out of my life I just...I can’t love you right now. Not the way you deserve. Even when we’re alone I can just feel them, like they're taking over my brain, watching every move we make.”

Phil sighed. “I don’t know what you expected when you decided we should lie, but I thought we were tougher than this and that we could pull through together.”

Hearing Phil sound so defeated did nothing to raise Dan's hopes and he wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his jumper. He looked up at him, hoping he could find the answer to all their worries in Phil's eyes.

Phil smiled slightly at him from across the sofa. “You know you’ll always be a part of me. You’ve practically been my whole life for 3 years, Dan and...”

Phil went quiet as Dan sat up and looked at him properly for the first time since they started this conversation.

“I just think we need a break.” Phil said softly. His voice so calm amidst this storm, more evidence that he was the older one in this, the more mature one who knew how to navigate his way through life whilst Dan sat there, a blubbering mess on the sofa.

“Why don’t you go back home for a bit? Just a few days and...and we’ll talk when you get back.”

“I don’t need to go home Phil. I'm not a little kid.”

“Dan you’ve been lying to me for the better part of 3 months and now you just come out and say you don’t love me and haven't since...since it happened.”

“I hoped it would come back. I thought it would. I mean...it’s us. Dan and Phil. I just hoped everything would work out but it hasn’t.”

“Well, let's break up then. It seems like the most logical thing to do doesn't it?”

Dan stuttered a little as he looked over Phil's face. “W-well...I…”

“Dan, if you don’t love me then there's no point in staying together. If you don’t love me then I don’t see why we’re still pretending like everything's okay.” Phil sighed, his voice sounding exhausted as his body slumped back against the sofa. 

Dan looked down at his hands that were resting on his lap. “Fine. Yes, I’m breaking up with you, Phil.”

That hurt more that Phil had expected. He thought he was being the bigger man here, he thought he was doing the logical thing and thinking clearly.

“You won't mind if I go home for a couple of days then?”

Dan seemed slightly shocked but shook his head and cleared his throat. “N-no, no that's fine.” He said, putting on his best smile. But even Dan could tell how fake it was and his smile faltered as he looked back down at his hands.

Phil stood up and ran a hand through his hair. “I guess I just thought that we both still felt the same. But it seems you’re pretty good at hiding your emotions from me Dan.” His voice came out a lot firmer than how he felt, he clenched his hands so Dan couldn’t see them shaking as he willed his voice not to quiver. After he had stopped talking, he left the lounge and walked off to his bedroom. 

Phil’s bedroom door shut behind him and Dan sat there in the silence for what seemed like forever. Eventually he stood up, pulled on some shoes, grabbed his keys and left the flat to go on a walk. He didn't care where he just needed to get out.

He walked for all of 20 minutes before it started getting dark and he didn’t have a jacket and  _ jeez  _ it was actually kind of cold. He was the one who’d asked for this, he was the one who had just said, no more than half an hour ago, that he didn’t love Phil in the same way. So why did he feel he’d just made the biggest mistake of his life?

When he arrived back home there was a suitcase outside Phil’s bedroom and a fumbling noise coming from the kitchen. He followed the noise where he saw Phil, pulling some laundry from the tumble dryer that he’d washed earlier that day.

“Oh...Hi, I was just...getting some clothes I wanted to pack.”

Dan stayed silent and nodded as he walked over to the sofa. He picked up his laptop from the coffee table and opened it.

“I booked a train for tomorrow morning. I get back on Sunday…” He paused, wanting to add, ‘ _ You’ll be okay without me, won’t you? Do you need me to stay? _ ’ but his voice trailed off and he walked back towards his bedroom to pack.

Dan shoved his laptop aside; Twitter wasn’t exactly the best place to be when he was feeling like this. He felt like kicking himself. Every time he looked up at Phil he could see the hurt in his eyes and he wondered how he’d let it get this far. How had it got to this point where he’d gotten so good at burying his feelings that even he didn’t realise he was feeling them anymore.

Dan had tried. Tried to let things carry on as normal but something had shifted. Their dynamic wasn’t quite the same and to Dan it felt like he was putting on act of being “best friends” just so that people wouldn’t suspect anything. He’d been trying so hard to pretend that everything was still fine, and him and Phil were just friends that maybe he’d even convinced himself of that.

And that’s why, now, he was alone in the lounge and Phil was packing to go to his parents house for a few days so he didn’t have to look at Dan. There was a voice inside him telling him what he did was right, they couldn’t go on living like that. Dan certainly couldn’t go on living that lie and maybe he just needed some time to see if things could ever go back to how they were. Maybe he needed that space away from Phil to realise just how much they needed each other in the first place.

Dan must have been sat there for at least an hour, staring mindlessly at the ceiling, when Phil came into the lounge.

“Do you wanna order pizza? ‘M not really in the mood to cook.”

Dan looked up, the beginnings of a smile forming on his face. “You know me, never say no to pizza.”

Phil grinned back and pulled his phone from his pocket, quickly tapping away and ordering the pizza without even having to ask Dan what he wanted because at this point knowing each other's pizza of choice was like knowing how to brush your teeth with your eyes closed.

After ordering Phil came over and sat next to Dan on the sofa. He looked hesitant, like he wanted to say something but didn’t know how.

“Can we watch an episode of Buffy?”

Dan chuckled and turned the TV on to set it up. “As long as it’s not the musical episode.”

“Fine, but you’re at least letting me pick which episode we watch.”

“Okay, okay. Our fate is in your hands.” 

Maybe things would go back to the way they were a lot sooner than expected.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> hope u all enjoyed!! pls leave comments and kudos thank u <3


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